When we see a book on the shelf, we really can’t imagine at first how much work goes into the final product.
Some of you may know that the story of Elderhall came to me when I was only just a little girl. In fact, my mum told me the other day that she still has the notebook where I started writing down the story by hand. I must find that!!
Interestingly, I started writing it in Hungarian, because that is my mother tongue. However, from the age of 19, I lived and studied abroad, and when I picked up writing again, English was much easier for me to express myself in.
So when I finished my draft (or when I thought I finished it), I had just finished my master’s, I had just moved back home to Hungary, and I honestly felt very out of place. I had no friends here. All my friends from high school have gone and started families, gone on to live their lives, as is normal. For a long time, I felt like I had left my heart in Bath, along with my best friend. I felt alien in the city I grew up in.
My childhood bedroom stayed the same, but I wasn’t 18 anymore. How could I feel so lost and out of place when I just finished my degree? I should have felt like I was on top of the world, yet I felt like I had to start over again, as if moving home meant failing or like I was falling behind
I wasn’t the same, our street looked the same, but our gate showed the passing of time. I could see it in the whites of my dad’s hair, which was always a striking dark colour, and in the way my mum’s smile lines deepened.
That is when I picked up my nearly finished manuscript. I practically ran away from LinkedIn, Indeed and other horrific job application platforms, from having to explain myself to family, „So what is your next step”? or „What was the point of all this schooling if you can’t even find a job?” and so on…
I was looking for a job as a fresh graduate, and at that time I was able to finish my draft. When I thought I was done…I really wasn’t. In fact, I was so, so far from it. I actually don’t know how many drafts I had before I sent it off for submission.
Since parts of this story grew alongside me, meaning there are chapters I wrote when I was 16 or even younger, a lot of the pacing and writing had to be rewritten. I tried not to be too harsh to my younger self, but lots had to be cut out…and that is okay!!
I’m pretty sure, as a maximalist, I could find things to nitpick even now, even after a professional has edited it. But I also know this is my debut novel and that the next one will be better.
Elderhall was always there for me when the real world became too crowded or too much to bear. It has offered me solace in the uncertain terrains of my life, and for that I am grateful.
I can only hope that you will find something of its magic to help you step back from the rush of capitalism. That, reading it, will remind you of the power of stories, and the wonder of friendship, and that magic can indeed be real. If only we open our hearts to recognise it when it is near.